Daddy says we smell funny but I smelled Nigel and he smelled pretty good, even ‘down there.’ This time we went to the Woof and Wash. It’s one of those places where your Daddy and Mamma wash you and someone else launders the towels and cleans hair out of the drains. Sometimes the nice people there give us a bath, too.
It was great; we rode in Mamma’s car that doesn’t have a top.
I sang the whole way to the bath. Sometimes I stopped and yelled, “yo, get a car” to a few people. Stupid Nigel just sat in the back and bit at the air. I told him that if he didn’t tell everyone how happy he was to be there, he’d have to get scrubbed in the driveway again.
Woof and Wash is in Mt.Kisco and I love it. Except for the “wash” part, that is. First, Daddy boosted me up into a ledge and attached my head to a loop. Mamma did the same with Nigel. Then, we both get water hosed on us and shampoo rubbed all over us. Then they squirt us off, dry us with hairdryers and towels, and Jason cuts our toenails. We like that because then we can sneak out of the house without Mamma hearing us.
So what if our eyes look funny. If Mamma could work the Photoshop, well, you could see how great I look and how Nigel didn’t know what to do. I told Nigel to stand up — he sat down through the whole bath. I told him that if he didn’t stand up, his butt wouldn’t get cleaned and I was right. I checked.
I’m always right.
my daddy gave me a bath once. i was outside doing my job which is to chase chipmunks. i’m pretty sure daddy doesn’t like chipmunks because he jumps up and down on their holes and shouts words that he doesn’t say when there are little humans around. that day he gave me a bath, i found out he doesn’t like me chasing chipmunks behind the bushes and under the deck after a big rain, almost as much as he doesn’t like chipmunks. i wish he would let me out a lot when it’s dark. the chipmunks that come around at night are fucking huge, and some of them have horns on their heads that look like tree limbs. that’s a word i learned from daddy by the way.
Comment by burly — July 19, 2008 @ 2:58 pm
Ha! Ha! My neighbor Sam has a deck that doesn’t have stupid crisscrosses on it, so I can go under. I don’t even have to scrooch down. It smells great down there and has stuff that squishes between my toes.
My cat (John) brings Mamma a chipmunk when she goes away and comes back again. He leaves them on the porch for her. I told him to ring the doorbell and run away and hide so she can see them when they’re still fresh. he told me he is afraid I’d take all the credit for it.
Burly has to put a quarter in the jar for saying the F word. Ours is for burpin’, cussin’, and sayin’ ain’t.
Comment by Jean-Luc — July 20, 2008 @ 2:41 pm
i ain’t puttin’ no damn quarter in a jar. my daddy told me to say that. after that day daddy gave me a bath, he put up those crisscrosses you talked about. i lay down and cried. then after a few summers he must have still been mad because he brought some men to the house who took down the deck every bit of it. i got happy because they opened up all the squishy stuff underneath. but daddy kept me out of there with some loud words. then the men built a whole big room right where the deck used to be. it’s up on trees the way the deck was, but sure enough daddy made them put up the crisscrosses again.
Comment by burly — July 21, 2008 @ 2:24 pm
do you notice how daddy is always telling me i smell like dead fish? there is a really good old leaf pile back in the corner of our land. it is really fun to roll around in there. you should try it. follow me when daddy puts us out at high sun time today.
Comment by cosmo — July 21, 2008 @ 2:35 pm