Mine. Mine,mine, mine. My Mommy measured and mine is longer than Jean-Luc’s so Hah Hah Hah. By a whole half-inch. I know because when I walk, they touch the ground. so I have a longer ear than Jean-Luc, who is such a sissy that he doesn’t put his ears in the bowl when he drinks his water, and such a shorter-eared-hound that he doesn’t leave a trail.
so, I win.
Daddy says we smell funny but I smelled Nigel and he smelled pretty good, even ‘down there.’ This time we went to the Woof and Wash. It’s one of those places where your Daddy and Mamma wash you and someone else launders the towels and cleans hair out of the drains. Sometimes the nice people there give us a bath, too.
It was great; we rode in Mamma’s car that doesn’t have a top.
I sang the whole way to the bath. Sometimes I stopped and yelled, “yo, get a car” to a few people. Stupid Nigel just sat in the back and bit at the air. I told him that if he didn’t tell everyone how happy he was to be there, he’d have to get scrubbed in the driveway again.
Woof and Wash is in Mt.Kisco and I love it. Except for the “wash” part, that is. First, Daddy boosted me up into a ledge and attached my head to a loop. Mamma did the same with Nigel. Then, we both get water hosed on us and shampoo rubbed all over us. Then they squirt us off, dry us with hairdryers and towels, and Jason cuts our toenails. We like that because then we can sneak out of the house without Mamma hearing us.
So what if our eyes look funny. If Mamma could work the Photoshop, well, you could see how great I look and how Nigel didn’t know what to do. I told Nigel to stand up — he sat down through the whole bath. I told him that if he didn’t stand up, his butt wouldn’t get cleaned and I was right. I checked.
I’m always right.
Geez. F*cking hot out there. If I don’t make a list, nothing will get done.
-Eat.
-Drink.
-Nap
-Bark
-Drool.
-go outside
-Come back in again.
-Shed.
-Repeat.
Yeah, it’s a dog’s life. If it ever gets cool around here, I’m going to add “race crazily through house with a stuffed monkey in my mouth.” but for now, the only thing I’m chasing is Z’s.
The question:
-dollars for Mamma’s Jimmy Choo sandals (not the ones Jean-Luc chewed)
-Miles to my oldest brother’s college
-pounds of gorilla that my Daddy keeps talking about
-Dollars to diagnose my paw owie
Hey, I’m worth it. No matter what Jean-Luc says.
